QMy husband and I have been together for six years; shortly after he moved in with me, I found my computer on, with a picture of a nude male. He explained he was doing research for a book about why guys turn gay. He had a brother who'd died of AIDS. I was alarmed but thought I needed to trust him. Two years ago, I left him because of a step-daughter who'd come to live with us. During my absence, he set up a screen name with a profile that identified him as a "closeted bisexual." Again, he told me he was doing research. We've been back together one year and I've again discovered that he's viewed pictures of nude men. He's also visited sex sites. He accused me of invading his privacy when I approached him with this, and hasn't given me any excuses for his behaviour this time. Have I invaded his privacy? Do I have reason to be alarmed?

QI lost my first wife to illness and my second wife had also been widowed. We lived together for several years until our children adjusted. We've been married for five years. I've never looked elsewhere. After working through all our baggage and the kids' feelings, I thought all was going well. But I accidentally discovered that my wife has been corresponding with her first boyfriend, after searching him out on the Internet. I don't know what to do as I cannot trust her anymore.

QAlthough my husband of 10 years is mostly loving, he's sometimes insecure, imagining me cheating on him and making unfair accusations. I've never cheated on him. He had a horrible childhood and trusts no one. The people he accuses me of cheating with have been men I've met once or twice and even a stranger. I'm too busy with four children to have time. And my husband is far better looking than anyone he's accused me of cheating with. My self-esteem is beginning to suffer but I don't want to leave. Most of the time we relate well and get along fine. However, I don't like going to parties or anything with him because he always imagines some look or some whisper that leads him into a jealous rage. I'm shy around other people and I don't give off signals of any kind. I'd like to help my husband work through this but I don't know where to begin.

That's why you can't help him on your own, but you need to convince him of how important it is that he gets professional help to battle his demons from the past.

Your children are victims of his jealousy as much as you are since they undoubtedly hear and are confused by his rages. Keep up your confidence and conviction, for their sake and yours, to insist that he get individual counselling.

In Toronto, call 211 for referral from a community agency for counselling at a fee geared to income. Or search the Yellow Pages under Individual, Family and Marriage Counselling.

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