"The data I've seen recently clearly demonstrate that some form of 'organized dancing' ought to take place between Paris Hilton and Michael Jackson, and that this would be a television smash," said Sedaris in her surprise announcement. "The American public has a bottomless desire to watch others dance, and what more significant pairing could there be than between these two celebrities, one black, one white."

With their diverse backgrounds, Hilton, an heiress to the vast Hilton hotel fortune, and Jackson, a child raised up from the Detroit ghetto, may seem on the surface to have little in common. But Sedaris notes one major commonality: A love for animals.

"At one time, Jackson actually had his own zoo, called Neverland, although most of these animals are now living with Blythe Danner," said Sedaris. "And fans of ‘South Park' are well-aware of Paris Hilton's love for her four-footed friends."

Because of this shared love of animals, Sedaris believes that strong audience support would exist for a dance program featuring Hilton and Jackson performing a medley of historic animal-themed dances such as the Bunny Hop, the Fox Trot, Moe Zart's Turkey Trot, Billy Williams' Kangaroo Hop, the Teddy Bear Waltz, and even the Grizzly Bear, "in which you hold your partner in a bear-like hug and dribble down her ear," says Sedaris.

In her statement, Sedaris expressed hope that the couple might even attempt their own interpretation of the notoriously challenging Italian dance, the tarantella. "The tarantella is a traditional dance in 6/8 or 4/4 time characterised by the rapid whirling of couples," says Sedaris. "It is popularly associated with the large local wolf spider or ‘tarantula' spider (Lycosa tarantula) whose bite was allegedly deadly and could be cured only by frenetic dancing."

According to Sedaris, one variation of the legend said the dancer must dance the most joyous dance of her life or she would die, while another says the dancer will go in to the most joyous dance of her life before she dies. 'But in actual fact," notes Sedaris, 'the spider's venom is not dangerous enough to cause any severe effects and the spiders, far from being aggressive, avoid human contact."

Paris Whitney Hilton is an American celebrity and socialite. She is an heiress to a share of the Hilton Hotel fortune, as well as to the real estate fortune of her father Richard Hilton. Hilton is notable for her leading role on the reality series "The Simple Life." In addition to her work as an actress, she has achieved some recognition as a model, celebrity spokesperson, singer, and writer. She is also known for her participation in a private home sex video made with former boyfriend Rick Salomon. The film, entitled "One Night in Paris," was leaked onto the Internet in late 2003, attracting national publicity in the United States.

Michael Jackson, commonly known as MJ as well as the "King of Pop," is widely regarded as one of the greatest entertainers and most popular recording artists in human history, heralding and displaying complicated physical techniques, like the robot and the moonwalk, that have redefined mainstream entertainment. At his height, he was characterized as "an unstoppable juggernaut, possessed of all the tools to dominate the charts seemingly at will: an instantly identifiable voice, eye-popping dance moves, stunning musical versatility, and loads of sheer star power." His achievements in the music industry have included, among other things, a revolutionary transformation of music videos, epitomized by 1983's "Thriller," often cited as the greatest music video of all time, establishing high-profile album releases and sales as a new trend for record companies to generate profits, dominating pop music during the 1980s, and becoming the first black entertainer to amass a strong following on MTV. In 1990, Vanity Fair magazine named him the "Most Popular Artist in the History of Show Business."

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